I don’t look like what I’ve been through! 2023 has been one heck of a year. This journey to mental health stability has been one filled with sleepless nights, sleep-filled days, and more anxiety than I could have ever imagined.
I don’t talk about my anxiety often because people don’t always understand what anxiety is. The best way I can describe my anxiety is 1,001 thoughts and scenarios going through my mind at once, second-guessing everything, and worrying about things other people could care less about. And to top it off I also have social anxiety. Both are a spectrum even though I’m able to do certain things there are a lot of things my social anxiety held me back from.
It’s also hard to be told “Stop being lazy and just get up.” When your anxiety is so bad you can’t function or “You don’t need medication, your anxiety isn’t that bad” I also realize these comments came because I didn’t talk about my anxiety, mainly because I didn’t know that’s what it was for so long.
But since putting a name to it and identifying all the areas it affects my life I was able to seek help. The road to finding the right medication/ supplement wasn’t easy. One made me super tired but I was still anxious so I couldn’t sleep, it got rid of my social anxiety but not my regular anxiety. The other made me so sleepy I was taking 2-3 4-hour naps per day for over a month straight, and that was only on half the dosage I was supposed to be taking. My regular Anxiety was gone but not my social anxiety. I upped my dosage and literally couldn’t get out of bed so I waited about another month before I tried to up my dosage permanently. Still, all the while taking a 3-hour nap most days. Mind you I’m not a nap person, I’ve taken more naps in 3 months than I’ve taken my entire life since I was a baby.
Fast forward to about 2 months ago, I decided to try a supplement that I’d seen on TikTok. At this point who hasn’t tried something on TT that changed their life? Super skeptical if this was gonna work as I didn’t mention I tried 3 supplement/ vitamin routines before this that did not work! But to my surprise THIS DID! The supplement is SAM-e, it’s over the counter and cheaper than my medication was! This supplement has helped with both forms of my anxiety. I can show up in life and virtually a lot better. I don’t doubt myself as much and doing even simple tasks that I would have thought were “too much” before I don’t even think twice about them.
One thing that helped me was talking to my friends. Vocalizing what I was going through or even just all the thoughts that may be going through my mind at one time helped to put things in perspective for me. One conversation was a lightbulb moment for me of how many areas of my life my anxiety affected and that I’ve had anxiety my whole life. Honestly, I just thought I was being weird. Knowing how my anxiety shows up, and sometimes shows out, has been a major game changer. From thinking that I was a huge procrastinator to not feeling like I had a voice, it was my anxiety. I’m still a bit of a procrastinator, which I’m working on lol.
A huge thank you to my friends and family who have been with me on this journey. Your support has meant the world!
I say all this to say, it’s ok to be a little weird, it’s ok to seek help and anxiety isn’t a bad word or a prison you can’t get out of. To my neurodivergent baddies put you and your mental health first!